Okay pretty much Im bummed. Alot of you are prolly sitting home reading this wondering why and heres the answer. I'm in love with someone I more than likely have no chance with. I've been friends with him since the 5th grade and everytime I liked him back then, he used to tell me we'd just be friends because having a relationship would be too akward. I tried and tried to convince myself to not have feelings for him anymore but now they're back...they've been back since we spent that week at my aunts, and now he's in Alaska and he's not going to be back for months and I have to sit here acting like everyday doesnt hurt more than the last. I have to act happy and act like my heart isnt being ripped out through my throat and like I cant feel the pain inside, no. I have to be happy that the guy I love is far away and it seems like everybody and their mother is plunging into a relationship when God knows what will happen when he gets back. I've wanted a chance with him since 8th grade...8TH GRADE i've been waiting this long for a chance with him and now he's gone. I dont even know if I'm getting that chance, I dont know what he feels for me or even if he feels anything at all. A part of me is telling me that he is and I don't want to let it go. I want to lock it up in a box until he gets back, and as soon as he gets back, just hold onto him and never EVER let him leave for that long again...I didnt want him leaving the first time, but what the fuck could I tell him. PLEASE dont go because i love you? Yea Im sure that would have made him stay, like it or not, he left...and now every day I have to live in this pain...this hurt and I want him home. I have to drive past his house every day when I go to work just to see that his car isnt sitting in his driveway...and it makes me hate myself even more because I could of told him how much I wanted him to stay, or how much I loved him and how much he ment to me. Now...psshh...now he wont answer my calls, or my texts or my pleads to talk...I have to get this of my chest and it's killing me because its still sitting ON my chest like a ton of bricks and I just want it to go away.
If hes reading this now, I just want him to know I love him with everything inside of me.
I should of realized it before he left and now he's gone and the pain is just going to keep growing until he comes home.
It's not his fault this pain is here...it's mine for not opening my mouth.
And I hope he realizes everything thats in front of him...I'll be here when he gets home.